


Anchor Me Home

by Romancemesomeziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Artist Zayn, Bar man Zayn, Fluff, M/M, Minor Character Death, Not the boys, Ship Captain Liam, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-02-11 12:32:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2068314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romancemesomeziam/pseuds/Romancemesomeziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam is the captain of a ship that sails to ports all around the world. He prefers the comfort of the ocean, finding peace in the smoothness of the sea, but one day he gets caught up in the heart of a local barman, and so begins the battle between the lures of the ocean and that of land.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I'm kind of in love with this story. I haven't really liked a piece of my own writing like this in a long time so please be gentle with it. 
> 
> As always feel free to leave me comments!  
> Or come talk to me at Romancemesomeziam.tumblr.com
> 
> THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT!!!!!! THERE ARE TWO CHAPTERS TO THIS FIC, PLEASE READ BOTH BEFORE TELLING ME YOU HATE ME!!!!!!

There’s something about the ocean, so vast and grand, a force of nature beyond mankind’s understanding that simply captivated Liam.

It was the utter beauty of sailing the water every day of his life, never knowing what he would come upon. It was the stillness upon freezing cold mornings, where you could hear the whales sing as they travelled north. It was the fact that no matter where he went, be it sailing to Costa Rica with cargo, or up to Canada’s frozen islands, he always felt at home. The ocean had adopted him when his family had died in a tragic car accident, leaving him as the sole survivor.

Ever since he had wandered the world, from one cargo ship to the next, climbing up the ranks until he could afford his own ship, his beloved _Veronica_.

Being captain of a ship was hazardous work. Dealing with two dozen men on a daily basis that had no interaction with women to soothe out their caveman instincts usually lead to loads of conflicts. It was the one thing Liam hated about his job, having to play referee between his men which often lead to them being fired. He didn’t like being the bad guy, wasn’t all too fond of yelling either, but _Veronica_ deserved to be treated with respect, and he never hesitated to discipline his crew when they put her in jeopardy.

She was the closes thing he had to a home, even during the winter months that he was off, doing occasional trips down to South America, Liam preferred to sleep on his ship. He wasn’t anti-social or anything, quite the contrary he was quite the people person, loving the outdoors but also the confines of rhythmic dance clubs in his younger years. Yet every night, when he was close enough to a port, he found himself returning to his ship, finding comfort in the industrial grey walls that most found unappealing.

In the last ten years he had never slept anywhere else, well except for when he stopped every few months, on a northern island, isolated from the world once winter settled and made the narrow strip of water leading to the village impossible to sail trough.

The men on his ship had women they visited scattered across the globe, every port often accompanied by different exotic concubines but Liam had never found the idea appealing, lifting skirts, chasing tail and never forming something meaningful.

On the contrary, after the death of his parents he practically sold his soul to the ocean, vowing to sail the seas until the day he died, to drift into oblivion with his _Veronica_ , far from emotions and relationship, far from anything that could hurt him again. At the time he hadn’t yet met the man with amber brown eyes that tainted his dreams at night when he couldn’t sleep and the ocean rocked him into restlessness.

It all started out four years ago when he had accepted his first mate’s offer of a beer once they reached shore, a 24 hour delay until they could sail back to their motherland in order to refuel the ship’s tank. Usually Liam would have declined, opting to stay aboard the boat to retrace the course they would take the next day. Yet Andy had been quite insistent, claiming they would be days away from land, from the comforts of women and alcohol and that they were both in need of a little more than what a hand had to offer.

So Liam had begrudgingly agreed, pulling on a ragged woollen button-down vest, checkered red and black to protect him from the glacial air. The village they were in was amongst the smallest they visited, a few hundred habitants mostly surviving on the market brought about by the local port.

The bar they had went to however had been jammed back, sailors and mercenaries from around the world gathered together, their only common interest as booze and women.

The only problem being that Liam had never really had any interest in women. They seemed to like him, his kind soul always a beacon of light in an industry like this one but he had always strayed away from the girls that waited for the sailors, preferring to watch his crew laugh around pool tables and hard liquor with women in their laps.

He usually settled at the bar, nursing the same beer overnight with Andy by his side in sporadic moments. That night however had been one were Andy had been all but taken away by a group of women the minute he walked in, his party personality raving in the darkened room.

Alone, smiling into his beer Liam had started a casual conversation with the barmaid who giggled a little too much for his taste, stroking his arm every time she passed nearby, leaving shivers in exchange.

He had forced a smile, pretending to be occupied with his phone until the next shift change where she had grumbled unhappily when he turned down her offer a warm bed and a night to remember, telling her he was married to the sea.

A man behind her had laughed softly as he had wiped down some mugs, biting into his lip as the petit woman huffed in annoyance and left.

“So there’s no chance of me getting you in my  _warm_  bed then,” the man had joked, winking in Liam’s direction as he approached him, eyes glowing under the dimmed lighting.

And Liam’s throat had tightened when he had looked properly at the man behind the bar, broad shoulders covered in an old Led Zeppelin shirt, tattoos covering his arms and hands, promising more underneath.

“Is that an offer?” Liam had managed to mutter after taking a sip of his beer, his throat dry with anticipation.

“Guess you’ll have to find out,” the man had laughed, pouring two shots of vodka before offering one to Liam, bringing the other to his lips.

“Zayn,” the man had said before downing his shot, arching a brow until Liam did the same, leaning over to rub at his throat, helping the harsh taste go down. The touch had been burning hot, the trigger to a cascade of events that would bring Liam the closes to a home he had been in years.

The rest of the night had tumbled as the first piece of the puzzle fell in place, a night of passionate sex, rough and demanding as they’d stumbled into Zayn’s modest wooden cabin, drunk and needy.

And now, every few months, when Liam’s boat sailed into the port of the small village, they shared a bed and a night of comfort until Liam was due back on deck, another destination awaiting him.

The few hours he spent with Zayn usually left his entire body aching, claw marks littering his back, as fingerprint bruises blossomed over his skin for days at a time. He had to fill his mind up with memories, lingering touches and delicious moans to survive the cold winter months. Those horribly long and lonely months that the passage to Zayn’s village was blocked by the thick ice, no cargo boats making their way anywhere near those treacherous waters.

It was approaching that season again, the autumn leaves starting to fall to the ground, being covered on cold nights by thin layers of snow.

 Patting the roughened gangway of the ship, Liam smiled, muttering a soft “be good Veronica,” as he walked off the deck of the boat, foot on shore for the first time in weeks. He knew that it would probably be the last time he saw Zayn this year, the weather already unusually chilly, the ice building up more quickly than in recent years.

He clutched the English tea tighter to his chest, shivering as the glacial winds tore around him, ruffling his hair into a mess. Scratching at his unshaven cheek, watching as his men walked towards the town, quickly slipping into the comfortable heat of the tavern, the bar and the local restaurants.

This was a destination they all hated, complaining about the lack of food and women. Yet it was the only destination Liam had come to like, month after month dreaming of returning to the rocky beaches, too smell once again the citrusy nicotine aroma of the little wooden cabin. To bathe in the comforts of Zayn’s arms for a few hours and pretend he had found happiness in the sea, because year after year he found himself despising his return to the waters, but his heart always ached to board  _Veronica_  again.

 _I’m just not made for commitment_ , he thought to himself as he walked away from the massive cargo ship, every step echoing through the howling wind as he made his way towards the little bar he had come to know like the back of his hand. He’d spent numerous nights there, helping Zayn close up after the last of his men had left, returning to the ship were they thought he too would end up.

His relationship with Zayn was a secret after all. Only a few trusted men on Liam’s crew knowing about his sexual preferences and considering his position, and his industry it was best to stay that way. He wasn’t ashamed per say, nor did he want to hide whatever it was he and Zayn were doing, but it was simply easier to keep it on the down low. When they hung out at the bar, people saw them as old friends reuniting after a long time. Most days his men were simply too drunk, too distracted to notice the lingering touches of Zayn’s hands along Liam’s back, or the way Liam’s eyes tended to get glazed with lust from Zayn’s proximity.

Pushing open the steel door to the bar, Liam breathed in the familiar air, the walls decorated with various photographs of fishing exploits, deer heads scattered around the wooden panelled walls. His crew had already filled in almost every chair, drink in hand as they laughed loudly, playing pool and bothering the locals.

Liam’s eyes however traced the room immediately until they fell upon Zayn. He was behind the bar as usual, a rag in hand as he rubbed at the sticky counter top. His hair was somewhat shorter now, a blond streak painting the front.  His stubble was strong upon his cutting edge jaw, making him look even hotter than before and Liam’s fingers twitched with anticipating of the marks it would most probably leave along his skin.

He stumbled a little as he moved forth, knocking in a chair as he made his way towards the bar, Zayn’s head snapping in his direction, the frown on his face immediately turning into a radiating smile.

“Was starting to think you fell into the ocean,” teased Zayn, eyes rolling all over Liam’s body, making him shiver. He knew this ritual, Zayn looking at him to see if every piece of him was intact, if he was safe and sound. They both were very stern about the fact this was casual, that it was physical but deep down they both knew it was more.

Shaking his head with a grin, accepting the beer mug Zayn handed over, their fingers brushing a little too long, Liam laughed, a joyous sound he hadn’t heard himself make in months.

“Just needed to make sure Veronica was safe for the night,” he explained, knowing his eyes gave away more than he wanted. He had been twitchy for the last few days, more desperate than usual. It grew harder every year to say goodbye in the fall, to know that he wouldn’t get to linger in the familiarity the other man’s home offered him.

“Loyal as always,” Zayn joked, trying to play off their reunion as a causality, but Liam knew how hard it was to keep up the façade. To stay on his side of the bar with a friendly grin, doing his job when all they wanted to do was to fall into each other’s arms, tear at their clothing and taste the other’s skin.

But Liam knew Zayn enough by know, seeing the sign of the tension in him, fist clenching unconsciously at his side while he turned the dial of the TV up on his crew’s demand, a football game capturing their attention.

“You know it,” answered Liam, suddenly not so certain what they were talking about. There was always that awkward moment between them, where their lack of words seemed to fail them. They were not technically exclusive, spending maybe 12 days a year together if they were lucky. So when they met again, every time more exhausted than the next, there was always that lingering question. _Have you been with anyone else since?_

And the truth was they never asked, nor did they ever tell. It was better not to know, to hide in oblivion while they were away and satisfy themselves with what they had, what they could have. Liam knew however where Zayn stood, faithful to Liam no matter what happened, refusing the countless offers he got from different sailors that stopped in the village, looking for an easy fuck with a handsome man.

It was Liam that had never wanted to commit, to say that he too would be faithful, because admitting that Zayn was his one and only was like putting down roots, and he simply couldn’t do that.

Awkwardly shifting in his seat, Liam placed the box of English tea on the counter before him, a gift for Zayn, something the other man loved and hated to admit it was small piece of his homeland.

“Thanks,” Zayn finally uttered after a few seconds, eyes cast down, deeply inspecting the glass in his hand, unable to look at Liam. “Glad you’re alright.”

Liam nodded in agreement, the taste of his beer leaving a bitter taste in his mouth which he forced down, feeling the anxiety grow inside of him. He was craving a different taste entirely, pushed upon plump lips which captivated him even now, in a room full of his own men.

The only thing he had eyes for was Zayn, the way his shoulders slumped forward, lip between his teeth as he shuffled around the bar, allowing his hand to linger down Liam`s back.

“Its good to have you back,” Zayn whispered, before walking away, picking up empty glasses as he went. It was simple, yet effective. The words between them left unsaid, the millions of _I miss you_ and _I need you_ , standing thick in the air.

 

 

An easy tension settled between them through the night as Liam munched on a greasy burger, slapping Zayn’s hand away every time he tried to steal one of his fries. Truth was, it was only another excuse to touch Zayn, to let his fingers skim the tan skin without others noticing. It was the thumbing beat of his blood rushing to his hand, as if craving the connection with Zayn.

Being near Zayn again, seeing him, hearing him, but mostly touching him was almost too much for Liam's system to handle. He was overloading on information, his body buzzing with a wild excitement as he watched the various clients leave the bar one by one. By midnight, most of the locals had left, leaving a few of Liam's crew singing at the pool table, all too loud and drunk for his liking.

"You ready my captain?," he heard Zayn's voice at his ear, a violent shiver running down his spin as he turned towards him. The man had disappeared in the kitchen for the past hour, cleaning up no doubt in order to be let off earlier than most days.

"Yeah," nodded Liam, standing to follow Zayn out as he looked back over his shoulder, making sure his men were too entertained by the television to see him leave.

 

Once they stepped outside, the fridge air of the night stinging their skin instantly, they huddled close, striding at a fast past towards Zayn's cabin that stood a street higher than the bar.

They stayed silent, both too busy processing what they knew what was about to happen, the confines of their safe haven a few meters away.

When Liam could finally saw the red roof too the familiar house, he sighed in relief, tugging on Zayn's hand as he jogged up to the front door, opening immediately, knowing that Zayn refused to lock his front door no matter what.

The minute the door closed, Liam was pushed against it, warm lips attacking his neck as he clawed at Zayn's vest, desperately needing to get the other man naked.

"Been too long," he moaned as Zayn dug his fingers in his hip, keeping him trapped against the door, nothing to do but groan under the delicious pressure.

And Zayn only grunted in response, shallow breaths fanning across Liam's abdomen as Zayn tore open his button-down, sinking to his knees before him. Seconds later lips were attached to his hip, sucking bruising marks as Liam’s pants were being tugged down. It was so quick, his mind reeling to catch up but Liam wouldn't have changed anything about it, threading his thick fingers through Zayn's raven black hair to encourage him.

“I dream of this almost every night,” Liam admitted even if he knew he shouldn’t say that, knew he shouldn’t make this emotional.

Zayn looked up at him, fingers skimming along the waistband of his boxers as he pulled them down.

“Yeah? Guess I have to make it fantasy worthy then,” Zayn replied, voice raspy with need, his eyes shot from desire as he leaned in licking at the underside of Liam’s dick.

Liam bucked into his touch, hands tightening as he palmed the back of Zayn’s head, pushing him down a little until his dick was cushioned at the back of his throat. He knew how bad Zayn craved this feeling, a little helpless and bound, jaw going slack as he just accepted Liam.

It was better than any dream, any memory, his hips snapping forward, Zayn’s hand coming to settle on his thighs, a wordless  _its ok, I can take it_  offered to him. Because Zayn knew how intense Liam got, how sometimes he missed the human connection when he was cooped up alone in the middle of the ocean, the captain’s cabin his only solstice. He had done his best to fill it with reminders of Zayn, art pieces scattered across the walls, distance memories attached to every piece.

Slowing the pace, he released his hold on Zayn’s head slightly, allowing the other man to breathe and lick more leisurely at his cock. The drag of Zayn’s tongue, his swollen lips catching at the head of his dick was enough to make his eye’s roll back into his head, grunting from the sheer pleasure.

Not wanting this to end too quickly, feeling his orgasm pulsing so closely, Liam fisted Zayn hair, pulling him away. Their eyes meet under the soft glow of the warm lighting, broken promises so evident in each other’s eyes.

“Don’t want it to be over so fast,” Liam managed to utter, his voice feeling foreign to his own ears.

And Zayn nodded, wiping at his swollen lips with the back of his hand before standing up, his legs a little wobbly, forcing Liam to wrap an arm around his waist. There was a beat of hesitation that cast a shadow across Zayn’s, as if he wondered if Liam meant this right now, the sex, or their entire relationship.

As quickly as the hesitation appeared, it was gone, leaving a smiling Zayn that started walking backwards, stripping his vest as he watched Liam hungrily, eyes never wavering. Liam approached him, every step Zayn took back dragging him forth until they were only a few inches apart, the heat of the other man’s body pouring into his skin.

“You got new ink,” Liam said, bringing Zayn’s wrist up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to the tattoo, his tongue lingering along the thicker lines. It was a floral looking design, reminding Liam of the locus flower he found in Asia and had brought back to Zayn a few months ago. Just like the snake skin belt, and the saber tiger tooth.

They never spoke about it, the tattoos blooming all over Zayn’s body every time Liam returned, finding pieces of his gifts etched into the other man’s skin.

“You know I get bored,” Zayn hummed as he forced his hand out of Liam’s grip, leaning in to suck at his birthmark.

Liam knew that was his cue to shut up, the precious time they had together already escaping with every ticking second.

“How,” he managed to choke out when Zayn hand wrapped around his hard dick once more, tugging slowly as if only to entice him.

Fumbling his fingers over the button of Zayn’s jeans, Liam pulled them open, his own hand diving to finally touch Zayn.

A low sultry whine escaped Zayn’s lips as he pressed his forehead to Liam’s collarbone, rocking his hips into the touch.

“Got myself ready for you,” admitted Zayn.

Liam heard the words mumbled against his chest, recognizing the shyness in Zayn’s voice as the man kept grinding into his touch, moaning softly. Liam’s dick twitched at the thought of Zayn on his knees in the middle of the bar’s backroom, fingering himself open so he would be ready when they were finally alone.

Forcing Zayn’s jeans down completely, Liam pushed the smaller man down on the bed, settling between his open thighs, rough hands smoothing their way across Zayn’s legs.

He watched as Zayn closed his eyes, ragged breath making his chest heave in anticipation as he brushed the tip of his cock along the inside of his thigh.

“Hate when you tease me,” Zayn breathed out, fingers reaching out for Liam’s as his eyes opened, dazed and so fucking needy.

And usually Liam would have played it off, laughing into Zayn’s skin but tonight felt different, slow and painful. It was one of those days where they knew the next few months would have to be spent apart, one of those days were they clung to one another, pretending the world around them didn’t exist.

Wanting to please Zayn, to offer him what he wanted in exchange for everything Liam knew he could never give him, Liam crawled towards the bedside table, extracting lube from the drawer. There were no condoms there, as always, Zayn’s own way to question Liam’s loyalty. He knew deep down that Liam was too much of a sweet guy to endanger his health, a stepping stone in their unusual relationship.

Coating himself quickly, Liam threw the lube somewhere on the bed, settling once more in the cradle of Zayn’s body. The other man’s hand came to cover his back immediately, stroking and demanding as Liam pushed in, sighing with relief.

He got lost in the sensation almost immediately, the comfort of Zayn’s arm around him, the pressure tightly wrapped around his cock, pulsing as he thrust forward. Zayn accepted him so willingly, begging for more, faster with every snap of Liam’s hips.

And Liam knew this wouldn’t last, neither of them did when they fell into each other for the first time in months, too eager to forget the loneliness of the past nights.

The angle shifted when Liam leaned down, blanketing the other man’s body with his own, needing the skin to skin contact. His lips were cushioned to Zayn’s ear, every erratic breath sending shivers down his spin, as they moved together, so perfectly in sync. It was a dance that suited them well, the power that build between them, the strong fingers leaving bruises along the other’s skin. It made sense.

Dragging every thrust, Liam groaned into Zayn’s neck, hand coming to jerk him off slowly, wanting to prolong the pleasure. He felt the change immediately in Zayn body when he finally hit his prostate, Zayn’s legs wrapping themselves quickly around his thighs, pushing him in deeper, nails sinking into the softness of skin of his neck as Zayn let out a cry.

Liam saw his orgasm approaching at the same time, the familiar feeling in his gut tightening, the tingling feeling in his toes as he increased his thrust, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing in the air. He shifted forward, forearms pressed to the mattress on either side of Zayn shaking form in order to get a better angle, to be closer to the only man he trusted.

With a wordless cry on his lips, Liam came, burying his face in the crock of Zayn’s neck, shivering under the touch of the man’s soothing words being whispered in his ears. It was overwhelming, the rush of emotion that seemed to drag him down into the sea of things he refused to face, as he kept thrusting slowly, Zayn’s constant whimpers growing as his own precipice approached.

“ _Liam_ ,” Zayn moaned as Liam pulled out, leaving his hands to linger along the other man’s torso.

Barely recovered, his body feeling a thousand times too heavy, Liam pushed himself away from Zayn, crawling down until he was kneeling between the man’s thighs. The first touch of his palm to Zayn’s dick was electrifying, the smaller man thrusting up into his touch, asking for more as he withered shamelessly.

“Need something inside me,” begged Zayn, lifting his ass in the air as if inviting Liam.

Completely fucked out, his brain still recuperating from his own orgasm, Liam crouched down, pushing two fingers into Zayn who rocked back immediately, using the fingers to his own pleasure. Wrapping his lips around Zayn’s dick, Liam concentrated on his breathing, leaving his throat relax under the pressure. With every thrust he gagged yet he welcomed the feeling, pumping his fingers in and out of Zayn as the man before him babbled incoherently, fucking his throat.

Curling his finger, knowing exactly where to touch Zayn to elicit any sound he wanted, Liam pinned the man’s hip down, forcing his throat to open as he pushed himself down, mouth suddenly filled with Zayn’s salty taste, strong fingers laced through his hair. He lingered there, lapping up at Zayn’s cock, already feeling how raw his throat was but loving the pain, the reminder.

He pulled away with a cough, come dripped over his lips as he tried to breathe, eyes stained with unshed tears. He grinned as his eyes traced the lines of Zayn’s sweat slicked body lying limb on the bed, eyes closed as his hands reached up for Liam.

Liam threaded his fingers with Zayn’s, crawling up the other man’s body until he could lay his head against his shoulder.

“You kill me every time,” he whispered, lips pressed to the skull tattoo that he never knew the meaning of. There were so many things about Zayn that were still a mystery to him, the man refusing to open up, because in the end they were not a couple.

Zayn hummed in response, arm coming to encircle Liam’s waist as they curled into one another, the darkness of the night taking over both their exhausted bodies and so they slipped into slumber, away from the sea and the boat where Liam usually dreamed.

**********************************

Liam woke feeling warm and sated despite the fact that he was alone in bed. He was use to Zayn slipping out after they had slept together, finding inspiration in his pleasure, needing to spread paint upon canvasses to explain his heart’s desires.

After waking up and going two more rounds, they had both fallen into a comfortable silence, fingers gliding over the lines of one another’s body. Liam’s eyes had then shut on their own accord, the hard days spent on the boat catching up with him.

He could now see Zayn sitting by the large window facing the ocean, a clear view into the morning sky illuminated by the soft glow of his cigarette. He was still naked, nothing but Liam’s checkered button down thrown over his broad shoulders to conserve heat, but the rest of his body was exposed, tensing with every inhale.

“Is that shirt going to disappear like the others,” laughed Liam, seeing Zayn’s shoulder lift in amusement.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” countered the other man, still gazing outside, the ocean seemingly enthralling in the early morning light.

Smiling into the pillow, Liam turned on his side, trying to memorize every detail of Zayn’s body, the way his lips curled around his cigarette and his hair line disappeared into a thick stubble.

“Where’s Loki?” Liam asked, realizing for the first time that the little puppy was nowhere to be found, usually nipping at his feet the second he walked in.

Zayn head turned slowly in his direction, the smoke of the cigarette creating a filter between them.

“He passed away,” whispered Zayn, a shrug to his shoulder not doing justice to the obvious pain that was etched into the man’s face. The admission had Liam’s heart clenching, the air in his lung suddenly feeling like acid as he remembered the pup.

“I’m sorry Zayn,” he mumbled, dragging himself out of bed, feet falling on the cold hardwood echoing through the dimness of the room as he approached Zayn.

He leaned down, pressing his lips to Zayn’s forehead, a nauseous feeling rising in his throat. It felt a little like losing his family all over again, the loss leaving an empty pit in his stomach.

Trying to offer reassurance, Liam pressed another kiss to the tip of Zayn’s nose, inching down towards the man’s lips were he hovered above them for a few seconds. Before he could lean in to kiss him, Zayn pushed him away a strong hand against his shoulder.

With a sigh Zayn stood, taking a step towards the bed as he turned around to face Liam again.

 “You know we don’t do that, Liam,” he said with a sigh, his head hanging in defeat.

And after 4 years it still blew Liam’s mind. They could touched each other anywhere, lick and suck at each other’s skin but never once, in over 1460 days had their lips touched.

Not one kiss shared between the two of them, always leaving the questioning _what if_ in Liam’s mind. He wanted to know what Zayn tasted like, wanted to feel the smoothness of the plush mouth cushioned against his own. He hated the hallow feeling he now felt as he chuckled bitterly, trying to calm his angered mind.

“What if I never make it back?” he asked, hands falling at his side in a sad shrug.

A murderous look in his eyes, Zayn glared in Liam’s direction, hands curling in to fists at his side.

“Then maybe you never should have left,” Zayn argued, chin held high, the closes he had ever been to asking Liam to stay.

“That’s not what this is Zayn, you know it,” Liam uttered, feeling his own voice soften because he didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to have this conversation.

 They had managed to avoid it all this time, but Liam knew it had been coming, the growing tension every time he left in the last year. They both left so many things unsaid, it was bound to blow up in their faces at some point.

Zayn shook his head as he turned his back on Liam, stubbing out his cigarette in a nearby ashtray before pulling on a pair of joggers, throwing another pair in Liam’s direction.

Pulling them on, Liam walked towards Zayn, feeling the cut throat razors hanging above his head simply waiting to cut him apart if he said the wrong thing. He tried to wrap himself around Zayn, hands upon the other man’s waist but he was pushed away instantly, Zayn turning to shove at his chest.

“Don’t,” whispered Zayn, eyes filled with tears as he walked back towards the window, watching the ocean one more time but this time with envy in his eyes. “I always knew you were married to the ocean, yeah?”

And Liam stood silent, unable to say anything to ease the tension because he knew deep down that he would end up breaking any promises he made.

He still craved to sail the waters, still craved to lose himself at the world’s end. He couldn’t stay here with Zayn, couldn’t get attached mostly and risk losing it all again. It was easier to leave and come back, to pretend he wasn’t already in love with Zayn.

“It’s almost time,” mumbled Zayn after a few minutes of silence, looking up at the old clock that hung on the wall, ticking loudly.

He was right, 6 am approaching quickly, announcing Liam’s return to the boat where he would leave with his crew, back across the narrow passage that would close behind him in a few weeks time.

Nodding in agreement, Liam grabbed a random sweater that lay on one of the chairs by the window, slipping it on as he shoved his feet back into his boots.

“5 months, yeah?” he asked when his hand lay shaking on the doorknob, tears now threatening to fall as he swallowed the lump in his throat. He looked over his shoulder, watching Zayn inhale shaky breaths, his face looking gloriously beautiful in the morning glow, even though there were tears strolling down his cheek.

“I’ll be here,” promised Zayn, refusing to turn around, refusing to watch Liam leave yet another time.

Resolved to this ending, to his heart aching for days until he went numb and the ocean soothe his pain, Liam nodded more to himself than anyone else before opening the door, stepping out into the howling wind. He closed his eyes as the echo of the door shutting behind him sent shivers through his body, tugging the sleeves of Zayn’s sweater down to cover his hand. He started his way back to the boat, a quick stride as he rubbed at his face, preventing the tears from falling.

But once he finally set foot upon _Veronica_ , making his way up the deck to his cabin, he realized that for the first time the ache in his chest didn’t dissipate with the smell of the sea. On the contrary, as he breathed in the frigid air, yelling directions at his crew, the nausea in his stomach only grew, making him sick beyond measure as he watched the small village disappear behind the thick autumn fog.

 ****

 

There was something wrong, the water crashing upon the side of the ship, breaking every wave violently as they sailed into the narrowest part of the passage. It was harder than usual, an unfamiliar wind pushing them off their course, the rocks littering the shallow waters coming dangerously close to the stern.

And with every turn on the helm, the boat steered in the opposite direction, in no way listening to Liam`s direction. It was madness to try and navigate the ocean at this time. Truth be told, Liam knew it would be difficult to make it through this late in the season, but he had been so desperate to see Zayn again, so desperate that he had ignored the signs of the early winter. A thick blizzard now crashing around them, making the propellers struggle through the water as Liam worried they wouldn’t make it through.

Within minutes the skies changed, from thick heavy snow to pouring ice rain. There was lightening littering the clouds, casting ferocious shadows across the ocean, the wind pushing them even further off course until the inevitable happened. The stern of the ship was forced sideways, crashing into a set of boulders that Liam knew were too close.

He felt the hit resonate through his body as he held on to the wheel, trying to coax _Veronica_ back into reason, back onto the proper path. But alarms started blaring through the cabin announcing there was severe damage done to the bow, possibly the stern as well.

Swearing under his breath, Liam yelled orders to his men on the overhead speaker, directed them to patch up the damage. He could see on the camera that the water was rushing in, flooding the basement and food reserves quickly. He could see his men trying to contain the damage, welders already working hurriedly to fix the problem but it would be difficult in these conditions, the water below freezing point.

The waves increased in size as the water kept rolling in, rocking _Veronica_ from side to side, almost to the point of tipping her over. Losing his footing, Liam slid to the floor, knees bucking as the cabinets above started opening, the contents falling over him, a loud snap echoing through his bones.

The pain that radiated through his body was almost unbearable, _Veronica_ now spinning out of control, crashing into yet another barricade of sharp stones. And for the first time while on a boat, on his _Veronica_ , Liam panicked, anxiety catching in his throat as he dragged himself to the helm. He forced himself up, leaning against the wheel as he stopped it from spinning the other way once again but it was too late.

He could see the humongous gap in the side of the ship through the cameras, his men desperately trying to escape as the water licked at their skin, enthralling them with power, dragging them down.

 _Veronica_ was sinking, his home was sinking into the treacherous depths of the ocean and there was nothing Liam could do to stop it. Limping over to the emergency radio he called out for help, scrambling off rapidly their coordinates but he knew the odds of being rescued were slim. They were too far up north, the closes military base miles off south, the ocean would simply swallow them first

Gut clenching, hands shaking, Liam tried to stir out of the passage even with the damage, their speed significantly reduced but still going. If they had any chance of surviving, any chance for the helicopters and the coast guard to reach them, they had to make it to open waters.

His legs burning from the pressure of his weight, Liam’s mind swam with pain, but he kept focus, watching in horror as the ocean`s waves crashed upon the open deck, taking with them some of his men.

He could feel the guilt quickly ravishing him, knowing he was better help to all his crew trying to stir the ship to relative safety but feeling completely useless, like a failure.

It was his fear of commitment that had driven him here this far in the season, risking not only his life but that of all his men. He couldn’t stop thinking about the men`s families who would cry when they realized their sons, their brothers, fathers and husband would never return. And it was all Liam`s fault. All because he was scared to admit to Zayn how he felt, scared to allow his heart to love again because he could lose it all.

But here he was, leg probably broken, watching his men, his friends being kidnapped by the ocean, death imminent and it was all for Zayn. He knew he’d been a stupid twat, knew he should have given up the life on the ocean because even if he had refused to admit it up until now, the waters had left him hallow and empty for years.

 Only Zayn knew how to fill in the gaps, to wrap him in warmth and love, to give him a reason to sail the ocean in the first place. Without Zayn there was no reason to sail, because there was nothing to come back to.

All was ruined though, as the water kept hitting the boat, dragging them down. The propellers were barely functional by now, keeping them afloat but not for long. Liam could see the opening in the mountain, the passage coming to an end but just as they were about to slip through, another wave crashed upon the deck, breaking into the cables, rushing to return to the depths of the ocean as it rocked the boat with it.

This time though it was too strong and Liam watched it all, as if it was in slow motion, the strength of the water taking hold of his precious _Veronica_ , pulling it down with it as the boat finally tipped over, sending him flying across the cabin into the wall.

As the water started flooded the cabin, his mind completely disoriented, Liam knew it was the end, knew he would never make it out alive. And the worst thing of all was he would never make it back to Zayn. The man he loved would wait for his return in 5 months time, but no one would ever come.

Fighting to stay afloat, his breath catching from the fridge waters, Liam fought desperately to escape the cabin, to reach the surface of the water but it was too late. As his eyes started stinging, maybe from the salty water, maybe from tears, his body started giving in to the all but immediate hypothermia. His limbs no longer felt responsive, water pouring into his mouth chocking him, drowning him as he went down with his Veronica.

Mother Nature was stronger than anything after all, and so the captain sunk with the ship, his first love, while his true love waited on the sandy beaches of a small village beyond the narrow passage.


	2. Chapter 2

Most people don't get a second chance in life, it’s something that the world doesn’t tend to give to a lot of people. But once in a blue moon, comes someone with a pure soul and a heart of gold, someone that struggles and suffers even though they deserve nothing but the best the world has to offer. And so sometimes someone gets a second chance, gets to start over when they were fated to perish.

After attending 19 funerals, that of his own very best friend, after living through hell and back, broken bones and hypothermia, Liam now stood alone on the deck of a fishery port, a small bag in hand as he looked over the tiny village at the end of the narrow passage way.

It was technically spring, the air still cold from the melting glaciers but the ice had faded enough to allow a modest ship through, to bring Liam back to his final destination a month in advance.

Sighing, trying to dissipate the guilt that stung in his chest, Liam made his way through the familiar village, smiling at some of the habitants who watched him go, obviously confused as to why he was here, and why  _Veronica_  wasn’t. 

It was still early in the day, the fishermen starting to work on their nets for the upcoming season, the seagulls raiding the skies as if preparing for their soon to come meals. It was almost comforting, to walk upon land and not crave to return to the boat he had just set foot off of.

The doctors had all but laughed at him once he had asked them how long it would take before he could return to the ocean. They thought he was mad, practically dying as _Veronica_ had sunk to the bottom of the ocean, taking almost all his men with her, yet all he wanted was to get back out to the water. The coast guard had managed to save only 5 men, he being one of the lucky ones even though he now had 8 toes rather than 10.

What they didn’t understand was the Liam needed to return, needed to prove to himself that the ocean hadn’t conquered him like his parent’s accident had won over him.

Lying in the hospital bed, toes and fingers bruised blue from hypothermia had given Liam plenty of time to think. He realized how he had escape land because anytime he drove on a street he found himself recalling his parents’ accident. The ocean had been his outlet, the unfamiliar territory simply foreign to his mind, giving him some peace.

Yet it was time for him to return to land, after his last voyage across the narrow passage. There was a nervous excitement coursing through his body, the usual anticipation of finally seeing Zayn after months of being apart, but also the realization that for once he didn’t have to leave the next day.

Pushing the door open to the bar, Liam was blinded momentarily by the dimness of the room. The bright morning sun invaded the darkness of the tavern until he let it fall close behind him, the echo surrounding him. He searched out Zayn behind the bar, finding the old man that owned the bar in his place, wiping at the counter.

The room was mostly empty, a few men scattered across with lonely drinks in hand, the chaos of an arriving crew yet to storm the little village. It was strange to witness how different this place was without his men, how it was rather small and intimate, nothing resembling the nights his crew debarked and appropriated it.

“Captain Payne,” called the old man, eyes falling on Liam as he smiled, a genuine smile the habitants of this village all seemed to have. “Wasn’t expecting you this early in the season.”

“I’m not here on business,” he assured stepping forward to shake the man’s hand as old friends would do.

“I know,” chuckled the older man, reaching down under the bar for something, holding it tight in his fist as he watched Liam. “You’ve never come in with a bag before.”

Liam stood uncertain at the observation, not knowing exactly what Zayn had told his boss about them. He knew they were close, a little like father and son since neither had a family anywhere near, but Liam still didn’t know what to respond, fearing he would say the wrong thing.

“You kept him waiting long enough,” finally replied the man when it became evident Liam wouldn’t say anything, handing over a golden key, nothing but a tiny L inscribed into it. “Down by the bay, the old garage painted green.”

Liam looked at the key in his hand, the metal cool against his fingers as he traced the letter engraved in it. Once again he found himself speechless, uncertain what to say or what to do. Choosing silence as the answer, he nodded confusedly, muttering a muted _thanks_ as he walked away, back into the cold morning sun and down the unfamiliar road to the garage indicated.

He came up to the rusted old building, layers of green paint caking on the side no doubt from the brutal winter months. There was still a thin layer of snow littering the ground, squeaking under the pressure of Liam’s heavy boots until he stood only a few inches away from the building.

There were sounds coming from inside, possibly objects being moved around, the isolation obviously lacking as Liam approached the door, slipping the shiny new key into the lock hole and pushing his way in. He wasn’t sure what he had expected, possibly Zayn in his usual jeans and t-shirt, hanging out in some type of man cave.

What he had not expected however was to find dozens of wall sized canvases hanging from the walls, packed one against the other since there were so many of them, all depicting various moods of the ocean.

There were sandy beaches with silky smooth water licking at the sand, mountainous terrains with murky waters. Then there were the ocean wide panoramic views, the violent storms and crashing waves that had Liam’s heart aching. Yet not as much as the sight of Zayn, paint covered and tear stained cheeks as he added another stroke of blue to a grand canvas on the floor.

The man before him stood even more beautiful than before, the winter having added a certain bulkiness to his figure, the blond streak in his hair erased by the midnight curls but the stubble remained, giving him a ruggedly handsome look.

And even though Liam knew deep down in his heart that he had waited for this moment for the past 4 years, he found himself frozen in place, no words to be said as he stared at the man he loved, broken before him in his own checkered vest.

The wind chose his fate for him, a huge gush slamming the door behind him shut, making Zayn jump as he turned to suddenly face Liam, a look of pure confusion etched upon his sharp features. But his eyes were glowing, chocolate ambers radiating as new tears filled his eyes, lips moving as he whispered Liam’s name.

The only coherent response Liam could whisper back was Zayn’s own name, filling the air around him, choking him as tears sprang to his own eyes but a huge grin appeared on his face. The name came out almost like a plea, a plea for what he wasn’t sure but as he step forward enveloping Zayn in his arms, lifting the other man off the ground as he yelped in surprise, Liam found the haven he had always been looking for, that peaceful state in his soul that he had been robbed of years ago.

“How are you even here,” muttered Zayn, his lips now pressed into the crook of Liam’s neck, warm breath fanning over his skin making him shiver. “It’s too early for _Veronica_ to make it through”.

“She’s not with me,” he explained sorely, not wanting to go into the details of the shipwreck this soon. He wanted to enjoy the moment, to bathe in Zayn’s presence and for once in his life know that he could stay.

“I’m here for you,” Liam said simply, pulling away to watch Zayn’s eyes widen in surprise.

“But what about the ocean, your job,” muttered Zayn as Liam deposited him back on his feet but stayed pressed against him, fitting perfectly in the dip of one another’s body.

“I found something I can’t live without, even more so than the ocean,” Liam admitted, pushing Zayn’s fringe out of his eyes, his own gaze falling on the man’s lips.

“I never should have left,” he said, remembering Zayn’s words, months ago before _Veronica_ had been bested by the ocean, changing his life entirely. “You were right, and If..if you let me, I’ll stay. Forever”

“Forever,” Zayn repeated, brows furrowed as he wiped at the tears that stained his cheek, looking down at the painting he had been completing when Liam had interrupted him.

A dry laugh escaped his throat as he turned towards the numerous ocean paintings.

“I spent the last four years waiting for you to say that,” Zayn laughed, a bitter note his tone.

“I was so jealous of the ocean, Jesus Christ that’s ridiculous.” Zayn explained. ”All those moments you spent away, all those nights I couldn’t sleep I ended up here, painting. I painted till my fingers fell numb and I could barely stand, painted the same thing over and over again. The stupid ocean because I figured maybe one day you’d come back, maybe one day you’d stay. But I always hated the fact you’d have to sacrifice the ocean for me, to give up the only thing you have ever loved, so I made you a new ocean. Its only paint, but its all I can offer.

 

“I love it,” interrupted Liam, stepping forth to wrap his arm around Zayn’s waist again, pressing his lips to the man’s forehead. He felt Zayn sob into his chest, new tears soaking the front of his vest as Zayn’s hands settled on his chest.

Sighing in relief, Liam tilted Zayn’s chin up, looking into the man’s eyes for the first time knowing that he was making the right decision, leaning in to kiss him. It was a first, a delicate press of lips that had heat pooling in his stomach, the beauty of it all encompassing the very happiness in his soul.

He licked at Zayn’s lips, swallowing the man’s gasp as he coax them open for more, for something heart wrenchingly beautiful. A memory that would replace all the broken hearts and possibly appease the guilt of his past, a memory to build off of.

Fumbling fingers found the buttons to his vest, pulling them apart until cold air stung his skin, but the heat in Zayn’s eyes as their lips pulled apart was enough to distract Liam. He watched, enthralled as Zayn stepped away, stripping Liam’s vest from his shoulders, followed by the simple white t-shirt, jeans, and boots. He stood in nothing but a pair of black boxers, eyes tracing the lines of Liam’s body as he too slowly undressed, his bag filled with the little belongings he had forgotten by the door.

“Forever,” Zayn repeated once again, a question, as he stepped into the circle of Liam’s arm, pressing a gentle kiss over his heart before tipping his head up, waiting for Liam to confirm that this was real, that this was a promise.

“Until the day I die,” Liam promised, tracing the new tattoo along his arm, the bright black _I figured it out_ now permanently etched into his skin.

And Zayn smiled, eyes red rimmed as his fingers too traced the words, his lips doing the same before he sunk to his knees, mouthing the lines of Liam’s abs. But Liam didn’t allow it, sinking to his own knees, wrapping his arm around Zayn’s waist as he kissed him again, and again, and again. After four years of wondering, four years of waiting to know what the man’s lips tasted like, kissing Zayn felt like coming home, like anchoring himself to land for the first time in forever.

**Author's Note:**

> DID YOU READ THE SECOND CHAPTER???????


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